Healing Relationships


What are the components of healthy relationships? When we are in relationship, whether it be a friendship, family, or romance, communication is a fundamental key. How we communicate will determine the health of our relationships, interpersonally and intrapersonally (the relationship with ourselves). The next element to be aware of is perceived control. Physiologically, you cannot control another persons approach to relationship. Yes, you can choose to influence this through the intent and force of you actions. But, if you'd like to have a healthy relationship, it's important to understand that you are only in control of what you choose to feel, think, and do. And, that when a relationship dynamic is unhealthy even after choosing to do your part, it's ok to let go and move on. It is only after we recognize and own what we are responsible for that we can come into relationship prepared to create mutual boundaries and agreement on how you'd both (or all) would like to move forward. You are choosing to meet each other where you're at, and in a healthy relationship, moving as one, NOT becoming one.


So, what am I responsible for in relationship and in general? You are responsible always for yourself and your approach to a relationship. Whether a relationship thrives or fails, all persons involved play a part in the outcome. It's important to look at what you allowed or said yes to, and what you didn't allow or said no to, so that you can learn from it and choose to move forward in a different way. In relationship you are solely responsible for your own:

  • Emotions

  • Thoughts

  • Behavior

  • Choices

  • Reactions

  • Responses

  • Boundaries

Ok, well then, what is the other person or group responsible for in relationship and in general? If you are responsible for the items above, that means that the other person/s involved are responsible for the same. For a healthy relationship to form and continue, both people need to be aware of their part and responsibilities. The dynamic becomes unhealthy when one or a few have to shoulder the responsibility of the other/s. It's important to recognize, that although you can choose to influence someone else's emotional state through the intent of your actions, you cannot control how a person will feel or react. These are unique to their perception & experience, as are yours. In relationship the other party is solely responsible for their own:

  • Emotions

  • Thoughts

  • Behavior

  • Choices

  • Reactions

  • Responses

  • Boundaries

When we come together in relationship, what are we BOTH responsible for then? Relationship is the space where two (or more) people are choosing to meet each other where they are at. This is true regardless of the health state of the relationship (someone who identifies as victim will almost always attract their complement, the abuser). The following responsibilities are necessary for both (or all) persons to participate in to create a healthy dynamic.

  • Communication

  • Creating Mutual Boundaries

  • Listening x2 ( x2 =both to yourself and the other person)